


State of Mind

by ccleverr



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: First Time, Legilimency, Legilimens, M/M, Magic, Occlumency, Occlumens, Romanticism, Smut, love from hate, love hate, romantic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-15 01:25:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5766616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ccleverr/pseuds/ccleverr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Potter begins Occlumency lessons with Snape, and isn't successful right away. Snape isn't one to keep secrets from his students. </p><p>AU in which Draco is a bit of a double-agent, like Snape.</p><p>I'm honestly not sure where this is headed. Any advice/feedback is greatly appreciated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Harry stepped into the dark office, shivering slightly from the suddenly drafty air. He looked around, realizing quickly that Professor Snape wasn't there. 

In all honesty, he had no idea what this lesson would entail. Dumbledore sent him here because he deemed it necessary, but Harry hadn't had much time to research Occlumency before his appointment with the Potions professor. 

As Harry was about to turn around and forget it entirely, Snape burst into the room, shouting a word Harry hadn't heard before: " _Legilimens!"_

The experience was unlike anything prior. Harry suddenly felt as though his thoughts were not his own. Memories were dragged up from the darkest corners of his mind, as if being pulled from an archive. Scenes zoomed past; Snape's own thoughts were definitely present in controlling the speed at which the memories were presented to Harry's consciousness. 

"Stop," Harry growled weakly. Snape only laughed and pressed further. Memories of his first meeting with Hagrid in the shack on the island filled his mind, and then visions of a life-size game of chess, and then lying in a hospital bed healing from minor wounds suffered in the Chamber of Secrets. In a moment, Harry could feel his thoughts instantly returned to him, no longer guarded by the man looming over his thin frame.

"How did that feel?" Snape demanded to know.

Harry drew in a breath, letting it out slowly, gathering his thoughts. "Like... I couldn't control what I was seeing... Like I was remembering things whether I wanted to or not."

Snape nodded, his permanently disgusted sneer still plastering his face. "And what do you think I saw?"

"I think you saw everything I was seeing, like they were your own memories." Harry was certain of this.

Snape didn't nod, but seemed to accept this answer. "If the Dark Lord is able to reach your mind, what do you think he would find?"

Harry hesitated. "I don't know. I s'pose he'd see memories of my parents and of my friends." He paused, thinking. "Why does that matter?"

"Foolish boy; I knew you'd be dense. If the Dark Lord knows who is closest to you, how do you think he'll use that information? How do you think he'll use information about your whereabouts, who you spend your time with, _what information you yourself have at hand?_ Do you honestly think he will infiltrate your mind for his own entertainment? Do not be so naive."

Harry scowled. "I get it. That isn't what I meant... I just... Well, doesn't Voldemort have other ways to get that information? Why does he need to get it from me?"

"If you'd just think for a moment before opening your mouth..." Snape trailed off. "The most accurate information comes from _your_ mind, Potter. The easiest way for him to attack you is to attack your mind. You must be able to defend your thoughts against this infiltration."

"How?" Harry growled in frustration, trying to comprehend such a confusing task. 

Snape rolled his eyes. "Occlumency."

"Right," Harry said. "What?"

Snape huffed, explaining, "The art of remembering someone else's thoughts is known as Legilimency. The defense is Occlumency. The word 'Occlumens-' either spoken or thought- when used properly, will put up the proper barriers in your mind to defend yourself against Legilimens."

At the word, Harry flinched, half expecting his mind to be controlled again. 

"This time you will have warning," Snape drawled. "I will use Legilimency against you, and you must defend yourself. If you have proper control over your mind, this shouldn't be difficult."

Harry sighed. 

"I'll start." Snape warned. " _Legilimens_."

Harry closed his mind, trying to keep it blank, but it was impossible. _Occlumens_ , he thought. _Occlumens_. Hopeless. Images flashed before his eyes- his first birthday, the only one with his parents- flying a broom for the first time- making out with Cho in the Room of Requirements- watching Draco strip in the Quidditch locker rooms-

Snape pulled out of Harry's mind. When Harry opened his eyes, he saw a smirk on Snape's face. 

"Interesting," Snape sang. It occurred to Harry suddenly what a memory like the last one Snape saw might mean. 

"I didn't choose to bring that memory up, Professor- any of those thoughts," Harry reminded him darkly, trying to stop the heat from creeping into his cheeks. 

Snape ignored him. "As usual, Potter, you overestimate your abilities. For your first time practicing occlumency, did you really think you'd be able to combat it silently? Try again."

"Professor-" Harry cut in before Snape could begin. "Are you- is the person infiltrating my mind- able to read my thoughts?"

Snape hesitated, a flash of surprising thoughtfulness contrasting his stoic features. "Thoughts are not read word for word. And what are thoughts, really?"

Harry wasn't sure if he was supposed to answer. Snape answered before he had the chance to think. "Thoughts are your emotions attached to memories. In that manner of speaking, your thoughts can be read."

Harry wasn't sure if he understood, but he nodded and closed his eyes. Snape spoke the word, and again, images were brought forth. 

"Occlumens," Harry spoke immediately, imagining a barrier at the forefront of his mind. This time, the memories stuttered and faded, but they were there. "Occlumens."

Hermione dancing at the Yule Ball, Ron grinning at him over piles of decimated wrapping paper, Cedric's dead body in Harry's arms... Harry could feel what Snape was saying, suddenly. There were feelings attached to them- feelings which he was certain Snape could feel as strongly as Harry could. Harry didn't want Snape to feel those things, so he said the word again- " _Occlumens_ ," more strongly this time. His mind became a pastel kaleidoscope- a blizzard of over-exposed images. Faded images occasionally paused or brightened, focusing enough for Snape to understand what they meant. 

Harry tripping over a root in the Forbidden Forest, feeling tense...

opening the door to the Burrow, feeling overjoyed and content...

watching Malfoy fly in a Hufflepuff-Slytherin game, feeling impressed and in awe...

laughing while braiding Hermione's hair for the first time, feeling stupid but happy...

watching Sirius die, feeling heartbroken and completely shattered-

 

Snape pulled out of his thoughts once more. 

"You are not trying hard enough!" Snape exclaimed. Harry was hurt for a moment, but instantly grateful when he realized Snape could've said something about Draco appearing in his thoughts but instead decided to ignore it. 

He took a deep breath and said carefully, "I'm trying. I did better that time."

"Not good enough!" Snape demanded. 

"This is my first lesson," Harry reminded the professor. Snape sighed, sounding unimpressed. Clearly that was not an excuse. 

"You must improve," Snape demanded, and it felt as if a stone had dropped in Harry's stomach. He was a failure, and always would be to Snape. "I'll see you next Tuesday."

Harry gaped at the Professor for a moment, then turned on his heel and left the dungeon. 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Upon leaving his lesson with Snape, Harry immediately turned the corner and ran into Malfoy.

"Watch it, Potter," Malfoy growled, pushing his hands against Harry's chest and striding past. Harry rolled his eyes. 

Malfoy continued into Professor Snape's office, breathing a sigh of relief at the feeling of cool air on his pale skin. 

"Ah, Malfoy. You've decided to turn up."

Malfoy didn't move from his place near the door. He maintained a cool air of disinterest while looking at his Head of House, but internally he felt entirely uncertain about what he was doing here.

"You said you could help me," Malfoy reminded him, hoping he didn't sound too needy.

Snape nodded curtly, "That I can."

Malfoy paused. "Well?"

"Tell me what you feel," Snape urged suddenly.

_"Excuse me?"_

"You said you feel as though the Dark Lord is looking into your mind. Tell me what he sees." 

"Not much. School, I imagine. My conversations with you. Dumbledore's attempts at being friendly with me-"

"Would you like to know what I think the Dark Lord sees?"

Draco shook his head, still attempting to appear unfazed.

"Fear."

Draco didn't let an expression reach his face, and he didn't move. To Snape, this was all the confirmation he needed. 

"Legilimens," Snape said calmly. 

Draco braced himself, unprepared for what he was about to experience. The memory of mild arousal from his recent contact with the Potter boy, a fluttery sensation startling his heart; shame at his father scolding him for befriending a girl from Ravenclaw who apparently was not from a particularly wealthy family; shock from nearly falling off his broom at his last Quidditch match; dismay from an attack by Voldemort, leaving Draco cursing himself through silent sobs on a bathroom floor-

Snape left Draco's mind. 

"How odd," he murmured. Draco met his eyes, seeing an amused expression on the normally unimpressed professor.

"Did you-" Draco cut himself off, hesitant to ask the question. "Were you able to see all of that?"

Snape nodded solemnly. Draco redirected his thoughts and asked another question. "The Dark Lord can see all of that- feel all of that?"

Snape nodded again, shifting his gaze to the floor, suddenly feeling a moment of worry for the boy. 

"You must protect me," Draco practically pleaded. 

Snape sneered, and explained bitterly, "The word is Occlumens." 

Draco nodded, understanding immediately. Snape sneered, calling to mind his recent lesson with the daft Potter boy. How Malfoy contrasted him so. Interesting that they both appeared in the thoughts of one another. 

Without a word, Professor Snape infiltrated Draco's mind. The student could feel it immediately, bracing his mind for the attack. 

Harry's name flying out of the goblet, feeling instant worry; feeling anxious, lounging coolly in the Slytherin common room, putting on a show of absolute calm in front of his peers-

"Occlumens," Draco spoke the word, trying to let it have some effect on the images. The images stuttered and started again, this time slower and more hazy. The feeling of jealousy at seeing the Potter boy receiving a message from his owl at dinner; frustration from sitting in a class with Lockhart, the fool; fear from feeling his Dark Mark burn like embers scalding his flesh; sorrow after Voldemort left his mind last night, wishing he wasn't so easily readable. 

Snape stopped. "Better. You are dismissed."

Draco furrowed his brow in confusion at the lack of comment on Professor Snape's part, but knew better than to dispute the professor after he'd already been dismissed. Draco left. 

**Author's Note:**

> My first Drarry fic. Please tell me what you think! Not sure how long this will be yet... stay tuned! (Feedback generally encourages me to update more often.) :)


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